What/When/Why do you tell your vendors?

Now that I’m engaged and planning a wedding I’ve had to directly consider some questions straight couples probably never broach. I found myself wondering recently when setting up a vendor appointments, “How do I break the news that this is a same-sex wedding? Do I need to tell them right away? Does it matter?” When looking at things like cakes or flowers, you don’t need a gay cake or gay flowers, so do you even need to bother telling your vendors (who previous to this were perfect strangers) anything about your wedding above and beyond the date, time, and place?

A lot of these answers probably have to do with who you are as a person, I’m a little more shy and reserved, and come from a “not everyone needs to know your life story” sort of upbringing. On a recent site visit, I introduced my fiance as such, but didn’t highlight our genders when calling to meet with a florist. My take: You’re not ambushing people if you don’t give them the heads up, “Oh by the way, when we come in for our appointment, we’re two dudes”. But you need to decide what’s right for you.

If supporting vendors who go make the extra effort to be inclusive of same-sex couples, then I think it should be on your list of questions, right along with “Does that chair rental include the cushions?” or “Can we add a vegetarian option to the buffet as a side dish?”. But there are plenty of vendors out there who may not have strong feelings about the subject, and will treat you as any other couple. And at it’s core, that’s what marriage equality is about. Being treated just like everyone else.

At A Vote & A Vow, we love to hear personal stories. If you have a successful vendor interaction (or an atrocious failure) you’d like to share. Please get in touch!

One thought on “What/When/Why do you tell your vendors?

  1. Great post! I always encourage couples to come out right away because I’ve heard too many horror stories of it going wrong. Or even just stories of two women being asked upon arrival, “so which one of you is the bride?” Or two grooms being asked, “Where’s the bride today?” I think it’s better for everyone to be pre-emptive and avoid possible discomfort later, though I can’t wait for the day when we don’t even have to have this discussion!

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